So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
