Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
