your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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