Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
