So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she peed on how many people?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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