So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
