my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
