I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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