Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Randomize
