I bet he comes in French.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
