Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
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WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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