We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
