Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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