im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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