Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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