why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My breasts were aching with rage.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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