I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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