I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
