Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
