you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
