It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
