I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I puked a lego.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
