highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
