2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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