i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
