Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
