Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
