So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
