ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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