U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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