He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
