Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
