I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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