You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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