who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize