i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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