Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You ruined the universe
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
