That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
