So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
