I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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