your parents love me but you hate me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
