It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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