omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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