If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
