We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
