Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You're like the curious george of whores
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
