you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
His nipple licking is glorious
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