You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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