Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
