Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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