Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
