dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
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Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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