I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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