Betty ford says i'm here all night
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
