So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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