meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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