I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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