loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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