my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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