think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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