I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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