"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I've blown a few things in my day
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
