dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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