Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
