My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
