Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
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He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
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I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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