happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
worst night to have a conscience
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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